in and out, and in, and out

the little pointy bits up and down, and in lunes the edge at the correct angle ground to perfection. a touch is all it takes your fingers dug into the sand under it it stung, dying, unconscious that it was seen, by the sea. for all it’s worth a jellyfish unaware of its own passing. […]

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Es aizeju jums vietu sataisīt

Tiem, kas lasa tikai latviski, šeit iekopēju uzrunu, ko teicu, tēvu mūžībā pavadot. Mana Tēva namā ir daudz mājokļu, saka Jēzus. Un es aizeju jums vietu sataisīt. (Jņ. 14) Pirms vēl pasaule bija, ir Vārds.  Dievišķais Darbības vārds, caur kuŗu, no kuŗa un uz kuŗu viss ir radīts. Meži ap mums, ezeri, jūŗas, mākoņi un […]

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more memories

this is a time of memories. most of the memories, however, are not. well, they aren’t something i remember. now i m waiting for my brother to call me and tell me of the condition of my father. my father has refused to go to any hospital. he is also not so well. i will […]

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irreverently

that one thing for certain — all in existence stands firm against passing — like buttercups in the middle of streams transient, fragile, willing to do what it takes to survive. little yellow-headed stalks breaking the running crystal, etching the neverending V for Vita brevis est, for victory, for the day when silence burns sunlight. […]

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the glass does not hear

the little wooden man beats both fists at the wall. attention. attention. the glass is too thick. the soundless things outside do not wave back, do not move. silence. silence. the glass covers all. time moves in a circular dance of stars in the night and the trees. be blind. do not see. the glass […]

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Metonīmijas

Vienu baltu rozi, Kad viss pārējais nozied – Pār kritušām lapām, Kad ēnas kļūst gaŗas, Kad elpojam atvasaru, Un saule pār takām. Vienu zaļu ērkšķi, Ko apcirstā vāzē iemērkt Pie melnām saknēm, Vienu siltu roku Zem kailajiem kokiem, Kad rudens atnāk Raudzīties zvaigznēs, Kur dvēseles aiznes Vējš garām kapiem.

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Game of Thrones, Season 6

This was a season almost likeable. The theme of violence, of course, continues stretching and developing. The scenery, all of it, is breathtaking. The detail of the sets is amazing, stunning even. The speakers of Dothraki and Valyrian have learned to speak Dothraki and Valyrian (compared to the initial seasons). The Winter and the Long […]

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A beer can

My kid brother died Aug 2, 2005. This is his lay. This too is his lay, only written as a scene for a Creative non-fiction workshop on Aug 2, 2018, inspired by the excellent Inara Verzemnieks, a professor extraordinaire. (and the only person who has ever praised me for writing silences, which has perplexed me). […]

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words that do not help

probably someone has written about this somewhere, but I do not want to research or Google or whatever. when I hurt, there are words that are the reverse of helping and encouragement. those are simple words that many people use quite a lot to express a sort of sympathy and support and encouragement when they […]

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the taboo words

and so i said – i will die one day, that’s a fact. and my colleagues at work went berserk with ‘shush, don’t say so’ and ‘you do not mean it’, and ‘how can you say so, we must think of living forever’. and i thought – why should i succumb to the cult of […]

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the ultimate test*

death is the ultimate test – it is irreversible, a one-way-only gate, a membrane that filters you out and then returns to its stillness. death is both never and near, certain and so unknown that those who live the illusion of total control spend their days in fear. the ultimate test, where the win or the […]

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different lucidity

they say – and i have seen it actually – there is a moment of lucidity before the final departure. the whole of today is torn by flashbacks. of pictures of sudden bursts of coherence and actual joy when my mother spoke like she was better. of the little flutter of hope. and then, the […]

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comparatively

even when death is but passing, it towers and looms over the traveller home; the things important on the linear path get brushed under the quiet rock, the immense carpet made by transcendent hands; death is but passing – you know it, and i, and yet we stay

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Eight. No word for ‘die’

some classroom discussion made me look deeper into the old english vocabulary for ending of life. and here is a thing: there is no general verb for ‘die’ in old english. no word for ‘just stop living’. there are words like steorfan, sweoltan, beon/wesan dead, beon/wesan slihte, and so on. or words that described a […]

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kad dzirkstele aizlec

turpat pie celiņa, it kā aizmidzis, zālīti apsedzies, kaķīts atlaidies; pelēka vilniņa, viss melnās strīpiņās, dzeltena pakakle, pusviru actiņas- guļ kā tāds plausītis. zīlīte atnāca, zvirbulīts pieleca, ne ķepa nekustas; tepat viņš staigāja, draudziņu meklēja, murrāt murrāja, cilvēku gaidīja; rītiņa agrumā apstājās sirsniņa, mauriņa lizdiņā, kaķentiņš aizmiga.

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where to go when one is dead

stumbled on this by accident: Rīgas Ziemeļu izpilddirekcijas Dzimtsarakstu nodaļas Miršanas reģistrācijas sektors atrodas Aizsaules ielā 1a. Apmeklētāju pieņemšanas laiki [..] (literally: the Register office for registering deaths is located in 1a Otherworld Street. Clients are expected at the following hours: [..]) hilarious.

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indigo

the feather clouds all spread out like fingers to keep the indigo sky from falling to pieces we enter the little stars of scilla, ink on green all my steps, all your steps coloured a time by the rudimentary snowdrifts, liverleaf anxious to look, to be seen all in blues of breaking they come in […]

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rose vs. begonia

roses look cool, and are interesting to raise. begonias look green and red and white and yellow, and are not presumptuous. but if asked to choose between them, i will probably say that i like chrysanthemums best. those shaggy, yellow or white, heavy-headed flowers with the bitter smell. kiku-no-hana.

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funeral coffee

the kitchen is ever dark, and cold, and cave-like, and sombre. starting the fire, on gas or in the cooking range. the quiet determinism of those present in the house for the morning. the smell of sadness, the unspoken collectiveness of all people waiting. the setting-up of the pots, the pouring of water, the measuring […]

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rites

rites and rituals make the world achievable, structured, thinkable. lists go in threes, and if one is missing, we add the etc, just to complete the ritual of lists going in threes. there is the personal morning ritual with the beverage and alarm, and hunting of socks, and the greetings, and partings – the oil […]

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