the invisible life of the academic jungle

the university is a very many-sided and complex institution. it reminds of a jungle with plenty of species and life-forms that interact in intricate patterns. so i tried to write some of them down here. just in case. (yes, this week has been quite hectic and totally exhausting, and i need some nonsense to cheer me up, even if it is self-made) (also, click on the invisible picture below)

academic: evloveld species, close to the top of the food-chain; by the time they have reached full maturity, specimens have shrivelled and developed various incongruous capacities.

brainstormer: the invisible entity activated by beer, generates endless lists of probable, yet undoable things. if correctly channelled, may lead to creativity.

clouder: invisible amoeba that has chosen the space between window-panes for its habitat; extremely active towards the middle of lecture; allows people see strange and attractive pictures against the background of the sky.

crabway: has minimum fifteen little wriggling legs, each complete with a little claw. accidentally stepping on any of them causes humans to stick to walls and walk sideways in corridors. needless to say, crabway is quite invisible.

deadline: a tiny little complicated critter with the looks of a little grey man with an axe (or a meat cleaver) in his head; upon approach to a person, he withdraws the cleaver (or axe) and rapidly hacks the head of that person, causing headache and hectic activity.

demotivaitor: usually takes up abode under the benches of the more old-fashioned lecture-rooms. attacks the unsuspecting bottom, instantly paralysing the brain of the listener.

flabbergast: a sort of invisible bat inhabits the space beyond the false ceilings in lecture halls and similar places. habitually descends upon the unsuspecting student if words ‘test’ or ‘exam’ are pronounced in immediate vicinity. their poison claws cause stupor and interfere with thought processes.

gibbertyflibbet: an invisible mobile plant on the wall; spores cause irrational laughter and erratic behaviour.

goowler: usually found under keyboards of nternet-connecter computers. generates a field that makes a student click on the first link google throws up, and copypaste the inormation into a word document without reading.

presenter: usually assumes whatever seats are not occupied by students at the class and generates boredom. empty minds are its favourite prey. easy to confuse with the clouder.

vegetation: not unlike a giant sloth, this one prowls the ceilings of any educational establishment. preys on innocent minds, sucking out all creativity. totally dangerous.

whatever: a sort of a gnome in the answer compartment of the brain. peeks out now and then, surpising the academics no end.

the list is by no means conclusive. feel free to develop it.

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